i wanna share my thoughts. i need a listener. really cant find any1. yes got jeremy. but tell him liao i awlays get the same consolation. dun wna those. really dun wan. i wan sum1 hu can really undertand. really really understand.
im tired. i really am. issit so hard to get a place in ur heart? i really dunno la. u chose him coz hes there b4 me. shudnt u be choosing over hu is better? if hes better i wud definitely back off. wat for have u and u wun hv a good life. tmd. im so pissed wif myself. samuel u disgust me. yes u do. its always him and not me. coz he will get angry if its me. i noe u trying ur best. and im trying hard too. to noe the fact that wat i m to u. but then, haiz. yeah i got my frenz. but u noe how it feels like to be wif them and be thinking bout u all the time? it sux. u see ur frenz smiling and laughing their asses off. then urself down there in deep thoughts. hving some jealousy. hving something missing. u will feel hollow u noe? thats wat i always felt. HOLLOW. really hollow. "do wat?" anything lor. ni dong wo de xin hen tong mah? u told me u accept him under class's pressure. i hate it man. everytime i think of it. now then u accept the fact liao, it even hurts more. i keep quiet for so long. now i really bth liao. i juz wanna burst.
i juz wanna clear my mind and fall into deep slumber. let u forget me. let myself off this misery. leave my frenz my family and all. then i start my new life. back into my crazy lifestyle. back to the wanna-kill-go-ahead style. im stressed out by everything. fucking life i hv. so wat if i hv money. hu is there to share it wif me? no one man. no one. so wat if i spend it alone. no feeling 1. i rather be poor. i rather not hv a good life but hv u wif me.
im already controlling myself. dun over possessive. dun. im not liao. sometimes ask u out juz for a meal oso hard. although i dun really noe the real reason behind it. but i agar agar oso noe wats on ur mind. yes it must be him. im on the verge of eradication. im on the verge of my tolerance. im on the verge of my anger, my jealousy, my life. im unwanted. im lost. im screwed.
go ahead and laugh at my stupidity.
FUCK IT.
xoxo ♥


