words could not describe how i felt at that time. regret stung me like the pain of a slitted wrist.
now. jealousy stained me. i dont feel good at all. not even the slightest bit. even doing anything that is going to get my fullest attention, i would be distracted.
probably this isnt the ending i wanted. not this kind of goodbye. even so. i dont even wish for a goodbye. u slapped as i still smile.. smiled with tears flowing down my cheeks. just to let you know i am ok, and i didnt want you to back down and say sorry.
many encouraging words are told to me. some gave me faith. some destroyed hopes. but i chose a difficult path. to have faith. i am learning... learning to control. learning to be able to take it. i admired those that you admired. i envied those that were admired. im trying my best. my very best.
i would not forget the vow i made. its still here. engraved deep into my heart. so what if im being laughed at for being so stupid and devoted. so what if im being despised for being that nasty. i am me. i know would not trace back into those footsteps that hurt again.
those three words. perhaps i said it too much. but everytime its said, i meant it. it is the urge of saying it before i do not have the chance to anymore. i know this day would come. i expected it. those hardships i went thru, polished my resolve to love you more. times that you slogged and sacrificed, touched me and brought me into tears inside.
everything shot right at me so fast that i cant take it. you lied... you should know what you lied to me about. im not an ignorant.
i lost my way already. but the feelings remain. i love you.
`my keyboard is stained crimson with the blood from my hands.
xoxo ♥